Some Days…

Some days…

I feel like I have so much to say, but I don’t know how to say it. Or who will listen.

Some days…

I think I just need to be with me and the cats. But then it’s not enough.

Some days…

Everything seems out of sync and wrong. And I am not Wonder Woman anymore.

This is one of those days. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Mixing It Up, Or A Question of Perspective

I have a complicated relationship with mirrors.  And I have a complicated relationship with feminism.  And sometimes those two things collide, as they did in a really odd way just the other day.

Somehow, I’ve managed to injure myself (again), and after taking a few days off from my Bikram classes, I went back with some trepidation.  Given that I was having a hard time walking without limping, I wasn’t really sure how it would go, so I chose the class based on a specific teacher, who is a good (and sympathetic) friend.  I also set up in the back row, so that my struggles would not distract anyone.  (Yes, I’m a front-row kind of yogini, even though my postures might look like crap.  Get over it.)

And something amazing happened.  Because I was further away from the mirror (and my contact lens prescription is out of date right now), I could only see myself as a whole, and as part of a class.  I could not separate myself from those around me, and their struggles, and even more so, their successes, made my class stronger.  In fact, it was one of the best classes I have ever had.

How does this relate to feminism, you ask?  Well, maybe for you it would not, but for me, who has really struggled with that label, and am still not sure what it means, this class experience, which was no longer all about me and my front-row, narrowed-focus, practice, gave me a new perspective on feminism as a way looking at the big picture and working as part of a group.  It may be surprising to those that know the work I do that working as part of a group (and God forbid, being a “team player”) is really, really, really, really (toss in a few more “reallys” on your own) hard for me.

So, if the women I love and admire feel that the label “feminist” works to describe them, why not me?  While it’s taken a lot of years, I finally love and admire myself, too, and these women – these feminists – have helped me get there.  I no longer need some outsider, universal definition of “feminist” – I can just be.

It’s all about perspective, you know?

Yes. My Answer Is Yes.

I pretty much always say yes when asked to try something.  Not because I’m so daring, but because, frankly, I’m interested in what might happen.  When your thought processes work as oddly as mine, you often make decisions based on “oh, why not?”

And I would bet you’re thinking that this has probably gotten me into trouble over the years.  Well, sure, but what’s trouble other than part of the learning curve?  It’s not like I’ve been arrested or anything.  I chose my college and grad school(s) this way,  and this attitude got me into the hot room, and Bikram Yoga has taught me even more about saying “yes, I can”.

What I don’t do (or try not to, at least) is make excuses.  For my decisions or for my actions.  I found this quote the other day, and I could not agree more:  “Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure” (Don Wilder and Bill Rechin).  There are some people who say that excuses are the same as reasons, but I don’t buy it.  Generally, if I screw up – or even if someone thinks I did – I just say “I’m sorry”, and shut up.

Sometimes shutting up is the best excuse of all.