Truth

I have a horrible temper.  Ridiculously bad.  Most people who know me now don’t know this, because I learned, pretty quickly, that 99.9% of the time losing your temper doesn’t help.  Still, it’s hard.  I really WANT to yell and stomp my feet and pound on my desk and throw things.  Sometimes I do, but I make sure I’m alone, and even close the door, which is nowhere near as satisfying. 

I mean, who DOESN’T want to allow their emotions out in full force?  If you say “me, me”, I’ll just assume you’re lying.  We’ve been convinced that almost all emotions are dangerous and must be controlled, and while that’s not entirely untrue, it’s not entirely true, either.  Though rampant emotion can in fact be dangerous – didn’t you see ENDLESS LOVE? – I think we’ve gone too far toward control.  I think we should shout, and scream, and stomp our feet, and throw things.  Just once in a while, we should let it all out.

But society doesn’t agree.  My workplace (quite rightly) doesn’t agree.  Even my family and friends don’t seem to agree. 

So instead, I do Bikram Yoga.  I play with my cats.  I take long baths with a good book and a glass (or bottle) of wine.    But to tell you the truth – none of it is quite as satisfying as throwing something at the wall.  Especially something that shatters. 

Sigh…

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kim Sherman
    Oct 03, 2012 @ 16:08:26

    I’ve been to the garbage dump / recycling center on Nantucket where you get to throw your bottles into huge (color appropriate) bins. Much shattering. Sooooo satisfying!

    Reply

  2. Suzanne Demcisak
    Oct 03, 2012 @ 18:20:01

    I seem to remember a … discussion … you and I had about the set for “On the Verge.” Afterward, I remember thinking that you seriously did not deserve to have me yelling at you. You may consider this a heartfelt apology.

    And you are absolutely right about being taught to strangle our emotions. Learning how to say, “I’m really pissed right now, and we need to terminate this discussion until I’m calmer!” instead of squashing my anger until it leapt out at the nearest person without warning is one of my proudest accomplishments. And it’s amazing how, once I express that I’m angry, I can return to the conversation later and deal with it in a much calmer frame of mind.

    I also learned how to cry. I wish I’d known that during my junior year. It wouldn’t have made things any easier, but I might have felt less trapped by grief.

    Reply

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