Betrayal

“So this was betrayal. It was like being left alone in the desert at dusk without water or warmth. It left your mouth dry and will broken. It sapped your tears and made you hollow.” ― Anna Godbersen
 
I don’t fully trust many people, but I always believed that there were some standards of behavior to which anyone with a scrap of human decency would adhere.  thCAPF8AH8Note the past tense, because earlier this week, I was forcefully proved wrong.  And it was both public and humiliating.   I sobbed.  Not cried – sobbed.  And there were intermittent tears the next day until after my Bikram class (boy, that was one interesting savasana) and a long, long walk…
 
I guess at my age (which is none of your business), I should know better.  But I didn’t, and now I am trying to decide how to deal with the fallout.  These are people I thought of as my friends – even my close friends – and for whatever “I am pathetic and afraid to be alone with no friends” reason, I cannot yet accept that those friendships might have to be over.  That they failed, in fact.  That I failed.
 
And in the meantime, I got some not-so-thrilling, though not too horrible, medical news. 
 
All in all, it’s been quite a week. 
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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Nubian
    Feb 01, 2013 @ 11:37:37

    I am truly sorry. I know that pain. I am currently going through that pain. It stings. I am working on a new improved me for 2013. Finding out why I do the things I do. A friend sent me the characteristics of being co-dependent and I marked off more than one as a yes. I wish you peace and that your heart heals quickly.

    Reply

  2. Gablesgirl
    Feb 01, 2013 @ 12:34:14

    Yuck! I am ready some of Ed Koch’s famous quotes. “I don’t get ulcers, I give them.” Like it:)

    Reply

  3. Trackback: What Lies Beneath « Travels With Slippers, or The Life of A Single Woman Who Prefers It That Way
  4. DesertVerdin
    Jan 28, 2014 @ 14:09:40

    I feel this. I still sob, two months later. One would think at my age I’d’ve known better; I never built up the life experience to have done so. Stupid me.

    Reply

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