Tell Me About Yourself

So I’ve gotten hooked on this new TV series, Monday Mornings.   Like another fave, Grey’s Anatomy, it’s set in a hospital.  Last night’s episode included a story line about a young man who, out of the blue, had a stroke.  After much drama (it is television, after all), they took him off the ventilator and allowed him to pass with dignity.

What’s my point, you ask?  Well, this started me thinking about a dear friend I lost in 2006.  He and I had known each other for many years, and I don’t think anyone who knew us would say we were not close.  But when E. passed (suddenly, too young, with no warning – now do you see the connection to the TV show?), I found out all kinds of things about his life outside our friendship that he and I had never discussed.  And for a brief moment, I wondered if that meant our friendship was not as important to him as it was to me.  There were certainly those at his funeral who seemed to think so.

But no.  There are some relationships that are all about all the details outside you and me, and there are some that live in the moment, and the details of other times will only come up when they relate to the present.  Both are equally valid.  Cartoon_Woman_Laying_on_a_Couch_Talking_to_Her_Therapist_101015-002946-915042 I learned that there is no formula for a friendship, and there is no need to judge my relationship by someone else’s standards.  So those people who thought my friendship was less “important” because E. and I did not share all the details of our lives outside our tight little bubble can go to hell.  We shared what was meaningful to us.

The same day we lost E., I lost another friend – also too young, and also with basically no warning.  (Yeah, that was some week.)  The point being though, that this man, P., was loved by many who barely knew him, and there were those who tried to say that that group of his friends did not have as valid a reason to grieve.  A very wise mutual friend said it all when she said (I’m sure I’m paraphrasing) that “everyone’s grief is real, and everyone has the right to mourn”.

Maybe you share everything – maybe you share very little.  But as long as you are totally and completely honest, it’s okay.  Really, it is.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mary
    Mar 19, 2013 @ 12:02:36

    Agreed. Some friendships are outside daily details. You can ‘know’ someone personally, deeply and not have any clue about their work, etc. In yoga for example – your ‘kula’ – your close circle are those that see the ‘you’ – the interior real you that has very little to do with your job, family, etc. It’s a blessing to have had and have those relationships in life. They are precious.


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