I Cried. Really. Seriously.

It’s been a tough week.  It doesn’t really matter why, just that it has.  And yesterday was the toughest.  I was all weepy.  I woke up this morning still dripping tears, which luckily I got under control before I hit the subway.  But then – oh, then – I walked into the studio to start this morning’s Bikram class.  First, someone came in just as I put out my mat and set up this.close. even though the room was almost empty.  So, I pulled my mat to the back row – frankly, I just didn’t think it was worth arguing about.  And THEN someone I know – that I practice next to all the time – walked in and set up directly in front of me.  I mean, directly.    You could have used the line from her mat to mine as a straightedge.

And I just couldn’t.  I moved again.  It was just too much.  I kept it together – mostly – until class started.  And then – luckily, it was hot and there was sweat – the tears started.  Not a full-on ugly cry, but tears tracking down my cheeks with the sweat.

Now, I laugh in class – at myself, usually because I have again fallen over – a lot.  And I have gotten a bit emotional at times, especially when my monkey brain just won’t let go.  But this was more so.  (Important note – thank you to my teacher today, who noticed, and gave me some loving touch during savasana.  It helped.  A lot.)

But in the end…did I feel better?  Well, no, not really.   I’m glad I went to class, and I’m grateful for my teacher, but I never did have that full-on ugly cry.  And while the moment has passed, the desire has not. So – wherever you go, there you are – and don’t hold back.

P.S.  Almost all the yoga images I could find were of lovely serene moments – many of them with babies.  Well, damn.  I guess that’s why I found this one…


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Suzanne Demcisak
    Aug 29, 2014 @ 22:15:43

    There’s crying in everything. The question is whether people are swallowing it down or not. I hope next week is better.


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