Yes, before you say it, I do know it is not yet September 11; not yet the anniversary of that day we all remember with such sadness. But today, for whatever reason, I was thinking about that day, and musing on something I learned.
We all have stories, many of them tragic. This story is just a small part of my day, but one that changed me for the better, though I did not see that for a long time.
After we saw the towers fall, after I reached those most important to me (or they reached me), after our office closed, and while I was making the long trek home (a story of its own, for another time), I spoke to a friend on the phone. Someone who, at the time, I would have called a close friend. She asked me what I was doing, and I told her I was headed home. She then told me that she and a number of others were going to a mutual friend’s house, and to get home safe. She said good-bye, and ended the call.
I went home. Alone. I spoke to a few people on the phone, cuddled my cats, dealt with work calls (what a day to be on the emergency beeper…), and after a while, stopped watching news coverage in favor of bad movies. And wondered why my friend had not said “come join us”.
It was a long time before I asked her that question, and her answer was basically that I should have asked to come, or just showed up. I was deeply hurt, and said so – and she did not understand why. And that she did not know me well enough to know that neither of those were options for me, especially that day, told me a lot. About her, but eventually about myself.
How could I have someone I considered a close friend with whom I had shared so little that she did not have any idea that I needed to be invited? That I always wonder if I’m welcome? And how could I could I consider myself a friend if I was withholding those trusts?
So, now, at least to close friends, I tell all. I mean, after all, what do I have to hide? I am the person I am, and if you’re sharing your life with me, the least I can do is the same.
But still, I like to be invited.